Question:
Am I just a one night stand?
There’s this guy… I knew him when we were kids, I always had a bit of a crush on him, I guess. Lost contact over the years… but now we’re both at Uni… and we’ve been talking for the last couple of months.. mainly just over facebook, haven’t really ran into each other at Uni, it’s a big place, and our schedules are completely opposite!
Anyway, last weekend, for the first time, I ran into him in town whilst out clubbing. He spotted me first, and text me, and we met up in the night… as soon as he saw me, he grabbed me and kissed me. We were both sober, so I guessed there might be something in it other than just a typical drunken club hook-up.
We danced all night, and then talked a bit online over the next week. He said he might be going out again the following weekend, and said I should to so we can meet up again… this time, we’d both had a bit to drink, but we met up… He kissed me when he saw me again… and we danced.. and actually got a chance to sit down and talk together, he had his arm round me the whole time.
The clubs started to close, and I said I’d better get home… We went to catch a taxi… just as I was waiting for one, he suggested I come back to his place with him (he lives at the Uni in the halls of residence)… I was hesitant… I know what I guy means when he asks a girl home… and I’m far from a slut… I don’t believe in sex without love…
I don’t know whether it was because I like him so much, or because I was so drunk, but I said yes. In the past, even drunkenness worse than that has never even came close to resulting in me compromising my morals… but I went with him all the same.
We got to his place, and we sat and talked for a while, then we kissed, and one thing lead to the next, I didn’t even think, it just seemed right, so I went with it.
I said to him afterwards that I hope he doesn’t think of me as a piece of meat he brought home, and that I’m no slut.. and he said “Of course I don’t think of you like that, I know you’re not like that” …I went to get dressed again… didn’t want to sleep naked, he offered me a T-shirt of his, and was such a gentleman, he kissed my forehead… and we just talked about life.
We talked until we fell asleep. I woke to him staring at me, he had his arms wrapped around me protectively, and we started talking. God, I cant explain how much I like him… It was still early, and I didnt want the other students in the halls to see me in case they knew me and saw me doing what they call “the walk of shame” …he said “Of course” I asked him in his car if other students would find out he said “Yeah, well they already know we hooked up last weekend, and they would have heard your voice in my room… so yeah” I asked if he’d tell them it was me and he said “Yeah, of course, who else would it be?” …I was happy he wasn’t ashamed of me, at least… but I was worried he’d talk about me like I was a conquest.
He dropped me at home… and we’ve spoken a little since then. He asked me if I only did it because I was drunk, I said no… I didn’t tell him it was because I liked him….I guessed he would have figured that out by then… I asked him if he only did it cos he was drunk, and he said “Na, na, it’s not like that. I knew what I was doing” – This puzzled me… but he had to go write his essays which were late as it was…
He text me again that night and we talked about what had happened… He said that I shouldnt be ashamed of it, if I was and asked if I was disappointed in myself because I seemed it and I said I wasn’t… it was just a situation I’d never been in before, all new to me. He said that “there’s no crime in doing something different every once in a while, you know…” I didnt know what to think, but we talked about it and basically just said we both enjoyed it and didn’t regret it…
I don’t know what to think, Have I ruined any chance I had with him by sleeping with him too soon? I like him so much, and I don’t want something like this to spoil things… I don’t know what to say to him, because I’m shy, and I know he usually is too when it comes to talking about this kind of thing, it usually just ends up being really awkward conversation because we both can’t find the words.
He’s everything I’ve hoped for, though. He’s smart… something I haven’t been able to find in so long… I struggle finding guys who have intelligence that at least matches mine… I don’t want to sound cocky, but it’s a big problem for me… He’s good-looking, the only person I know that can beat me in an argument – and boy does he frustrate me, but that only makes me like him even more. I don’t know what to do, I don’t just want to be a one night stand… but am I?